remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
