On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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