I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
