he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
