put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
