just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I made him laugh his dick is mine
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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