Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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