This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
