I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
