FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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