dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
