How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
