Well douche your snatch and let's go!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
