I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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