We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I want her autograph on my taint
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
