dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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