omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
