god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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