by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
