I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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