yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
