Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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