Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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