This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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