Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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