Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
