Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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