Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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