i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
