They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
