would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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