i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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