she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
