I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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