My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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