They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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