just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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