I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
