You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
