Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
my nose is crying tears of wow.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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