Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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