I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Randomize
