Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
