im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
