Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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