he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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