areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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