Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
