Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
