watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
