Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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