You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
