My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
