:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
